Kiran?
by MarkedHawk
Summary: Getting Kiran wasn't a guarantee. Nope. That's why Askr currently has a baby for their Summoner and Tactician.
1. Chapter 1

A short _what-if _story where Anna summons Kiran with Breidablik only to realize that Kiran's still a baby in diapers.

* * *

"Oh my god, I just summoned a baby."

There it was.

Right at her feet.

A baby, barely a foot tall, clad in a thick white blanket and diapers. It cooed at her and drooled.

She just brought a _baby_ into a war between empires.

"You're just an asshole," the Emblian Axe Fighter had said, equally as dumbfounded at seeing the girl shoot a baby into reality. She turned the baby so it would face away from them and then decapitated the man who dared swear before the child.

She made sure to cover the man's headless body with his cape and turned back to the infant, which was reaching its small hands out of the blanket and at the sky.

"I just Summoned a baby…" she repeated. She picked the bundle up and quickly realized that the baby's bright eyes were locked onto the corpse.

"He's sleeping."

The baby blinked in response.

"What's your name little guy?"

The baby didn't answer. It just blew a raspberry at her.

Anna sighed and held the infant close to her, marching away from the place she'd brought the kid to Askr from.

* * *

Apparently, the baby was better than she had ever imagined.

"It's gnawing on my ankles! Oh dear god, it's gnawing on my ankles!"

Anna whipped about to see the Archer angrily kicking at the laughing baby, notching an arrow in his bow as she did. Something akin to motherly rage filled the girl's mind at the sight of her child being assaulted so evilly.

Naturally enough, she bisected him at the torso and picked up the innocent child, who was drenched in the man's blood and babbling happily. He reached happily for her face, smearing blood on her cheek with his itty-bitty hands.

He blew a raspberry at her. She blew one back.

She also seemed to forget that she'd just brutally murdered two men in front of a baby.

* * *

When Anna brought the baby back to Askr's castle, she ran into Sharena and Alfonse, who were both excited to meet the Summoner.

She didn't have a choice. She held up the baby to them and worriedly smiled.

Sharena took the baby, squealed happily, and danced about with the child in her arms, laughing as much as the child did. She skipped right past the atrium, whooping with glee.

Alfonse just looked at Anna, confusion and terror in his eyes.

"Was that…?"

"Yep."

"Did Sharena…?"

"Uh-huh."

"Am I going to have to…?"

Anna placed a hand on the Askrian prince's shoulder and gave him a pitiful smile.

"Have fun, Uncle Alphy."

The blue haired prince only blinked in response.

"What…?"

* * *

Alfonse was required to hold the baby.

Alfonse did not know _why_ this was his mission currently. He just knew that Sharena would kill him if he let anything happen to the baby, so he in turn held the baby.

The baby was also trying to chew on Folkvángr, and the less said about that confrontation, the better.

"Why are you a baby?" He questioned the infant in his hands. It only looked back at him, squirming in his grasp. It kept trying to get out, to take to the floor in what may as well been assisted suicide had the prince let him fall.

The child whimpered. Alfonse sighed.

"I feel like that too, friend."

* * *

"Sharena, would you put that BRAT DOWN FOR _TWO SECONDS?!"_

The princess' smile vanished, and her never ending prance faltered. Alfonse was justifiably tired watching her ruin the planning table by letting the baby play on it.

"Give me the kid."

"Wha-?!"

Alfonse seized his chance and scooped the infant from his sister's hands. The child squealed with glee, but Sharena looked ready to kill. Despite the bloodlust in his sister's eyes, he held the child close and decided to return his attention to Anna.

The redhead was bringing a hammer to his piggy-bank and shoveling money into her pockets. Even when Alfonse cleared his throat, she didn't stop. Sharena wouldn't stop complaining, Anna was stealing his damned allowance, and the baby in his arms was whimpering.

"WOULD YOU TWO PAY ATTENTION AND HELP ME KEEP OUR KINGDOM ALIVE?!"

It was like the dust settling after a battle. The only sound that anyone could hear was whimpering.

No.

God no.

Please.

The baby's crying sent Sharena after him like a wolf after a limping sheep. Alfonse ran like the wind, wanting to throw the baby as a distraction, but then his sister would kill him even more and it would be known to all that the prince of Askr threw babies at people.

The damn baby laughed as Sharena pounced and nailed him to the ground. Alfonse's obscenities poured from his mouth like a river.

"Fuck!"

Both siblings turned to see the child - which Sharena had set aside so she could safely maul her brother - repeat a swear that came from Alfonse's mouth.

Alfonse's limp body crashed through seven walls that day.

* * *

The baby had a gun.

The baby had just _fired_ a gun and Summoned a hero from it. Eliwood was very surprised to see a baby babbling at him, but he was nothing compared to the look on Sharena's face.

The princess of Askr picked up the child and explained to the Lord of Blazing what was happening. He instantly joined their cause and left to go find a room to claim, leaving the blonde to look to the child nuzzling into her tunic with a bright smile on its face.

They could _weaponize_ the baby.

* * *

Holy shit they hadn't named the baby.

"We need to name The Baby."

That was the declaration that came to the steadily growing Order of Heroes one day, when Chrom had been asked what the baby's name was and was promptly beaned upside the head by a livid Maribelle when she got the answer "The Baby."

Some results… not really that helpful.

"Odin wanted to name him Orion of The Darkness and Equality and was stabbed by like, everyone."

Alfonse choked into his tea when he heard Sharena state that. He was the one to stumble upon the absolutely mangled man, and it seemed like no one had wanted to say what had happened.

"We should make a poll."

"That'll make chaos."

"I know."

"We doing it?"

"Yeah."

* * *

Veronica sighed when she saw it.

The Askr siblings of royalty had stood side by side with their Commander when she asked to meet the Summoner. The redhead walked up with something bundled in her arms and held the object out to her.

It was a baby.

"You mean to say that this child is the Summoner of Askr?"

The Askrians nodded. Veronica looked back down and gently pulled the baby into her hands, looking him up and down, drinking in the sight of his chubby cheeks and greenish-bluish-brownish eyes. She smiled when he blew a raspberry at her.

"What might his name be?"

"Uh… he… doesn't have one."

Veronica looked up. They looked guilty.

Welp. Looks like she had to be the responsible one.

"I'm taking this."

With those words, she secured the baby beneath her armpit and sprinted like a madman.


	2. Chapter 2

Veronica looked at her child with bright red eyes, enjoying the sight of his babbling and smiles that made her heart melt. He crawled around on her bed, gnawing at the sheets with his toothless gums, laughing happily with one of her old dolls. She'd tried to find the head of it, but it had been popped off long ago.

Didn't mean she didn't check under her bed, behind bookshelves and nightstands, and in every nook and cranny in the castle.

Taking her eyes off of him for a second, she looked at the letter sent with the Askrian seal on it, trying to decipher the mess of ink that was on it. She could see the words 'Return,' 'baby,' and '_**FUCKING BITCH**_' on it before it became doodles, but judging by how much more ink there was, the letter should've been much longer.

She threw it onto the pile of other ones that covered the side of the room: Mount Complaints. The baby was blowing another raspberry, and she'd be damned if anyone caused her to miss it.

* * *

They'd captured an Askrian messenger, and Veronica herself had taken the job of extracting information from him. It was kind of hard to do when he was screaming and sobbing by the time she cut off his forefingers, but it didn't stop her from trying further.

"Why do you show on my doorstep with another accursed Askrian letter?"

"AAUGH! AAAAAAHHHHH! EUGH-UH-UH-UHHHH…"

"Ptbbb!"

The foreign sound caught her attention. The baby had somehow gotten into the closed and locked room, and was also somehow covered in blood. She would've been horrified at the prospect that something had happened to cover the poor child in blood if he wasn't clutching a sheet of parchment in his tiny hands.

On it was a number of bloodied handprints and lines, but to her it was as if the most respected artist on Zenith had made something for herself alone.

"Oh my lord, did you draw this? Look at this!"

She held up the mess of bloody handprints to show the Askrian captive, who just kept crying. It didn't matter too much before, but they were crying _because _of the picture now, as she judged when they whipped their head away from it and sobbed.

Veronica picked up the baby, red eyes devoid of all mercy for thou who wrought her ire.

"It's amazing," she told the bright eyed child, jamming the picture into the prisoner's face, seething. "_Look at it. Look at it, you fuck. Say it's amazing. I swear to god, say this is amazing or I obliterate you._"

The man sobbed louder.

"_Oh, waaa waaaaa__**.**_ _Shut up._ He loves it, see? _SEE?!_"

He didn't stop crying. She'd kill him later.

Veronica looked at the page again, eyes resting on something vaguely… human-like. A small stick figure, but it had something on its head that reminded her of…

She groped behind her head, feeling the crown that rested there, and looked in astoundment at the child.

"Is… is that me?"

The baby stuck out its tongue and drooled.

"HEAR ME WORLD! I'M A PROUD SINGLE MOTHER!"

She carried the child from the room, clutching him in her arms, totally oblivious to the dozens of dead bodies that littered the path to the dungeons or the baby's tiredness.

* * *

Bruno looked up and down at the babbling creature in his hands, the eyes hidden behind his mask narrowed at the mere babe. The white and gold blanket he was wrapped in, as well as the kingdom's seal made into a miniature pillow, told him with ease that this child originated from Askr. As in the kingdom Embla was currently in the midst of war with.

So why had his sister been doting over the child of the enemy? Where did she even get it?

The baby blew a small raspberry at him. Bruno looked silently back at it, wondering what in the world he was supposed to do with it.

He couldn't kill the child. Sure, he was helping wage war and commit atrocities and magical genocide, but killing this tiny, innocent child was too far. Besides, those brownish-bluish-greenish eyes made him think almost of Alfonse.

How the baby had managed to clamber out of his crib, out of Veronica's room where she'd placed said crib, down numerous hallways and stairwells, unlocked and entered the dungeons, and managed to carve a large smiley face on the ground with a knife was unnecessary information and could be easily overlooked.

He watched out for the kid. He laid him in the crib that Veronica had made top priority to build, smiling. He read to it the words from his tome, just as fascinated by it's reaction as it was by the lights from the spells.

And if anyone said anything about him carrying the child as much as possible… eh, he'd kill them.

Away from the baby. He was responsible enough to not traumatize the poor thing.

* * *

Loki pursed her lips and looked at the baby, judging just how to spin this.

Through some intense reconnaissance, Loki found out that the kid originated from another world, but was brought to Askr and subsequently doted on by the Order of Heroes, especially their Commander and Princess. Prince Alfonse apparently was less of a fan.

When Veronica escaped after stealing the baby, Sharena had chased her. For ten miles. Obliterating everything in her way.

When she started sending demands and death threats to return the child, she'd send messengers that would return without the kid, and Sharena would rip their throats out with her teeth.

Doing anything to the kid would incur her wrath.

Then again… Veronica would be _pissed_ if this kid just suddenly… _vanished._

She held up Thokk and was ready to blast him to oblivion. Then those infernal little hands came up and a smile that parted the clouds graced her.

Oooh, he's _precious._

Sure, she was evil. But damn, this kid was adorable. It'd probably piss off Veronica much more if he wasn't killed, but abducted, and if she did things right, it'd lead Askr and Embla to kill one another.

So, she'd take the kid to Surtr and Múspell. Now came the problem of her lack of pockets…

* * *

"It's time for breaky-wekky!"

Veronica opened the door with a smile on her face. She looked into the crib and that smile was torn off, thrown into hell, tortured, reincarnated, hit by a truck, got sent into an isekai world.

"**WHERE THE **_**FUCK IS MY **__**FUCKING CHILD ŸØŪ ŠÔÑ ÓF Å BĮTČH**__**?!**_"

* * *

Surtr blinked astoundedly at Loki.

"**IS THAT A CHILD BETWEEN YOUR BREASTS?**"

"Yes. Yes it is."

The child babbled happily and blew a raspberry at him.


End file.
